Being sex positive means more than what you’d think. Sex positivity is the new trend, and there should be no shame around it.
In the year 2022, things have become far more progressive than it has ever been. In case you’re not on TikTok or Instagram, the younger generation (of legal age) has been open and welcoming to almost all communities, and that includes those who are passionate about sex. People of all kinks and desires are openly sharing about their experiences, both good and bad, and this is important as a learning experience.
To some people, sex is seen as something sinful, an activity solely done in the bedroom with only one purpose; to procreate. But sex is also pleasurable, brings joy, and is important to relationships.
To be sex positive is a mindset. Sex positivity isn’t only about not judging people for their weird kinks, nor the lack of. Caring about your sexual health, and especially prioritizing a healthy with sex life with other people and yourself is what’s important.
10 Ways To Be Sex Positive
If you haven’t already done these, I suggest you give them a try.
1. Explore your fantasies
A lot of people have fantasies, some people don’t even realize they do until they look it up. Fantasies are always different, it can be a place, a person, or an activity. As long as you’ve thought about it and would like to try it then it’s a fantasy. It’s important to talk about your fantasies with your partner (when you’re comfortable) because our nature is to be curious, and exploring each other’s fantasies can be a bonding time. It also shows that you trust your partner to go on this adventure with you without judgment.
2. Healthy relationship with sex
Having a healthy sex life is essential to both your physical and psychological needs. A healthy sex life can be achieved by reading self-help books about sex, maintaining both sexual and non-sexual physical affection, using lubrication, showing your affection through your own love language, or even just exercising.
A healthy sex life also doesn’t always include your partner, sometimes it’s things that you can do for yourself. Like getting waxed from that place you’ve always wanted to go to, getting a massage, treating yourself to a good sex toy, etc.
3. Loving your body
It sounds simple, but believe it or not there are people who circle out their imperfections with a marker on a mirror. Sometimes they think they’re too chubby in certain areas, or they could use a few pounds, or remembering every single flaw in their bodies, but the first step to being sex positive is to be comfortable in your own body. If you’re not comfortable with your own body and you don’t love it, how are other people supposed to?
I think we all know for a fact that communication is key. Not only in relationships, but also in sex. What I mean by that is that communicating with your partner about your sexual wants and needs is healthy and should be done more often. This can avoid you getting into misunderstandings or awkward situations where what he’s into isn’t something you’d be willing to try or vice versa. Which brings me to point #5.
5. Setting sexual boundaries
Let’s say that you want to try using handcuffs on your partner during sex, but they’re not interested and wouldn’t like to try. It’s okay to persuade them, but remember a no is a no. And the same goes for you, if there’s anything you’re uncomfortable with in the bedroom, set a boundary so that no lines will be crossed. This way when you’re having sex you can rest assured that your partner won’t do anything that could hurt you.
6. Actually enjoying sex
It sounds stupid, I know, but some people do have sex just to make their partner happy, or they were actually looking forward to the sex but their partner isn’t performing as how they expected. It’s completely normal and it’s okay to talk about it. Guide your partner through it, tell them what feels good and what doesn’t. Trust me, it makes all the difference.
7. Be more accepting
There are certain sex practices or kinks that you might see as weird or off-putting just because you’re not into it. But try to be more accepting – you don’t have to try it if you really don’t want to, but don’t openly mock it in front of someone who does like it. It’s simply disrespectful. Once you realize that your own kinks can be seen as weird, you’ll be more sex positive than you were.
8. Actually learn about sex
Learning about sex shouldn’t solely come from porn, though I understand that’s where most people would come from. But real life sex isn’t like porn (as you may have noticed) some things are different, and porn doesn’t portray that. Sex isn’t supposed to be “perfect” and there’s not always a scenario during sex. Some people laugh, joke around, sex should be something fun. You can learn about sex in more ways than one.
9. Learn about your sexuality
These days labelling stuff is important. People like to be put into categories and boxes in society, and though that’s how society wants it to be, doesn’t mean that you should do it exactly like that. There’s no harm in labelling yourself, but what’s dangerous is when society labels you into something you’re not. So before that, learn about your own sexuality. Who you are, who you’re into, and you can’t find the answer to that then that’s okay – just don’t let other people tell you who you are.
10. Call out
Being sex positive doesn’t only apply to yourself, but also to other people. If you see someone being shamed for being sex positive then you should stand up for them. It’s not only about thinking it, it’s also about acting out. Calling out doesn’t mean get into a fight, but defend and educate. Spread sex positivity in a good light.