Date If You Dare Ep. 5 – The Car Shaking Orgasm: Elena Gabrielle’s Epileptic Date

When the sweet release comes, everyone shakes a little… but then he shakes.. and shakes.. and keeps shaking.. and then… Oh. My. God.

Let’s welcome Elena to our podcast!

Elena is a singer and comedian, she’s appealing to sold out audiences across the globe with her witty, no-holds barred approach to stand-up comedy.

Elena is currently on tour right now for her solo show, “Dirrty!”

Get your tickets here!

Available on Castbox, Spotify, Apple, and Google Podcasts.

Scroll for transcript⬇️

Michael: [00:00:00] Brought to you by down hookup and dating app, go to the iOS App Store and download it now.

Elena: [00:00:07] Hi, my name is Elena, and the one word I would use to describe my date is epileptic.

Colin: [00:00:15] Oh boy.

Michael: [00:00:16] Here we go.

Elena: [00:00:18] Cool, sir. I was. I mean, I travel a lot for work. I’m a comedian and I travel around and I ended up meeting this guy a few years ago and he came to a show and I can sort of like, hit it off. But he had a girlfriend, so I was like, OK, no, I’m not going to go there like, nothing’s going to happen. And he used to work for one of the biggest porn companies in the world as well. And so he was basically his job was to choose what videos people could upload onto this site. So you could imagine eight hours a day like that’s his job is to look at weird porn from people to put it on the internet.

Michael: [00:00:50] I wonder if you ever got distracted?

Elena: [00:00:53] Yeah. Like, like I was saying that I was like, he’s got like a weird job to do, but he’s like nerdy. Like, you know, you just like, watch all sorts of stuff. I’m like, I don’t know if you would want to watch porn during that show, but whatever. And then so like about a year and a half went past and he and his girlfriend for a cup and it’s like, you know, those things, we sort of wait out a relationship like one day, like, he’s going to break up like they’re going to break off and I’m just going to like. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And so he literally takes these like, yeah, like we broke off. And of course, guys move on a bit quicker after a relationship than women do. So I was like, right? And I literally booked like a six a.m. Ryanair flight to go and see him weird. Wow. That’s dedication. You know, like to take a Ryanair flight is it’s you know, I was I was hoping that the dick is going to be really good.

Michael: [00:01:42] I was going to say I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure the dedication was the first word that came to mind, but go ahead.

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Elena: [00:01:48] I mean, I don’t know like I was, I was hoping that it was going to be six a.m., but keyword harping. So I flew that he lives in a part of Europe, which I mean, I can say the country. Sometimes I get a bit… I don’t know if I should sort of say the country, but he lives in Cyprus, Cyprus has a rich history. But the island is cut in two. So basically you have like the European side and then you have the Turkish side. So I arrived, I was at the hotel and then he’s like, I’ll take you outside my great. So we drove over into the north side. But of course, this is a very conservative country. You’re in Turkey. You basically go from Europe into Turkey, and your phones don’t work. Nothing works. So we went across into the thing. I’m like, Oh my God, we’re on our own. Like, it’s just me and him in this car and we drive into Turkey. So call us like the day goes by. We have ice cream. We do all like the normal date stuff. We have a great kiss on the harbor. And I was like, Okay, this is right, and we’re driving back into go into libraries. But of course, he was feeling overwhelmed, let’s just say by me.

Colin: [00:02:54] Is that a compliment?

Elena: [00:02:56] I don’t know, like overwhelmed, overwhelmed, sexually. Let’s say that he like he was like, “No, I have to stop the car right now, like we have to we’d have to go for it here.” And I’m like, “We’re on a highway in Turkey, and I’m pretty sure if we do anything, it’s going to be illegal.”

Colin: [00:03:16] I’m pretty sure he got this idea from porn anyway.

Michael: [00:03:17] was he not filming?

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Elena: [00:03:23] I mean, it could have been dashcam cameras who knew like, I mean, wouldn’t surprise me. So and like, maybe, yeah, maybe he’s seen something like this on one of these porn videos that someone else uploaded. So it’s was like, OK, well, maybe he has a weird fetish for just doing it on the side of the road, so he stops the car like at like just sort of next to these like big apartment building off a busy road on like basically going back and thing. And of course, I’m, you know, I’m into it. I’ve got this little dangerous streak. I was like, Oh, OK, I like sort of go for it. So we climb into the backseat. And you know, you always think that like, you know, having sex in the car or like doing stuff in a car is going to be like very sexy and like whatever. But it’s definitely not like you guys got your pants around your ankles, like you’re having a gynecological exam. Like, it’s not sexy at all. So we’re like, going forward, then I start like going down on him and doing my thing. And like, he looked like he was really enjoying it. I was like, I hey, damn, like, like, really good. And then as I still have a stick in my mouth, like he stopped having a seizure like a full on seizure and he’s like-

Annie: [00:04:00] Oh my gosh

Elena: [00:04:01] his eyes roll back into his head and I’m there and I’m like, I pull back and I’m like, am I that good?

Michael: [00:04:29] Oh, that’s funny. Are you sure it wasn’t just your kind of thing?

Elena: [00:04:34] Yeah, exactly. I was like, Wow, oh my God. So I’m going for it. But of course, I pull back and you know, sometimes guys can, you know, they even can go like, quiet, shoot a lot of semen out. But there’s also a lot of guys that just kind of like. And I wasn’t used to a shoot up, but I’ve never had a shoot up for a long time, so it wasn’t ready for it. So I fought that. And literally, it was like it was like a spring fly. It was like and Steven was like, going everywhere. And I thought it all over me, it’s like all over the windows, and I’ve never been in this situation before. I don’t know what to do with someone who’s having like a seizure.

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Elena: Like what? What do I do? I’m on the side of the road in a conservative country. I can’t use my phone. So then I was like, I tried to like, hug him because I don’t know what else to do. So I was just like hugging him. And then as I did that, it was just like he was still convulsing. And I’m like, OK, what do I do? And then I basically, like, pulled back from him. But of course, like all the semen was on his stomach and on me. So I just like pulled back. And then it kind of looked like one of those like paintings that used to do with kids where you’d like open it and say, “Oh, look, it’s a butterfly,” like semen everywhere, all this kind of stuff. And I like, I literally didn’t know what to do. So I just kind of like sat there and like played Candy Crush on my phone until he eventually stopped having a seizure.

Colin: [00:05:47] I think that’s an ice cream paint job, by the way.

Michael: [00:05:49] There’s definitely a name for it.

Elena: [00:05:52] Like so, yeah, so basically just had to like, sit there and wait for him to finish having his little seizure. And then he came to and was like, Oh yeah, sorry, I probably should have told you that I have like seizures when I come and I’m like, what?

Annie: [00:06:00] What- What?

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Michael: [00:06:10] Oh, wait, so this is a normal thing. So he was expecting this. So the only person in the car that wasn’t expecting this was you.

Elena: [00:06:17] Exactly. And I’m like, I was like, you mean to say that I took a six a.m. Ryanair flight to be like, this was, I mean, it’s definitely like was something memorable I can guarantee. But like, literally, yeah, that that he said. That happens all the time to him, like when he comes I’m like, OK, just good to know.

Michael: [00:06:40] But shouldn’t it come with a warning label like will have seizure when, when coming kind of thing?

Elena: [00:06:47] Exactly. And then I sort of said to him, I was like, Was this a normal thing? And he’s like, oh, I think a lot of it maybe has to do with the fact that I was watching so much porn and uploading like he was watching this like home porn for eight hours a day. And I was like, oh, maybe like that got something. And I start to think I was like, Is that something to do with like, you know, I’m watching so much porn. So I don’t know what the maybe the moral of that story is like. Just stop watching porn or otherwise, we’ll seizure.

Colin: [00:07:13] I think if I was in his shoes, I totally would have told you like, Oh, it’s only you. You’re so amazing at this that, you know, I had a seizure.

Elena: [00:07:20] yeah, exactly I was like damn, thank you so much. Well, he did so to say that he was like, when I get really turned on and I was like. And I was like, you got really turned on in the back of your car in like a conservative country. Like, that’s what turns you on. I was like, the danger, right? But no, no, no. It’s like we. And then he also continued to tell me that he was a sex maniac as well, which is it’s basically like people who have like, it’s like sleepwalking, but some fucking basically so they will have sex even when they’re asleep. Well, we’ll try to have Wow. Yeah, I’ve never me either. I was. I actually like looked it up.

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Michael: [00:08:05] He’s making up a lot of other shit. Maybe it’s making this thing up to me.

Elena: [00:08:09] I know, I mean like what the hell. But anyway, then we went back to the hotel room and so we had like sex. Then he did the seizure thing again.

Michael: [00:08:17] Wait a second. He did the whole seizure thing again?

Elena: [00:08:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I went back like a year later, I saw him again in the same thing, but it was the same thing happened. But it’s just like so awkward because you’re just like, you’re finished. And they’ve obviously finished. But then he would just keep seizing in for like a good five minutes. So then you’re like, you’re in this awkward position, and you’re like, what do I do? And then you go and make like a cup of tea. But then you feel bad because you’re like, you’re like looking after them, just like having a massive seizure and you just like, it’s the most awful you could ever imagine. Just like watching someone like, you know, they dick out, just like, come everywhere and then just like, just go make myself a cup of tea.

Michael: [00:08:56] And he knows, but there’s no danger for him at all. In other words, he’s perfectly fine. He’s expecting this. He doesn’t need medicine for this. He’s just like, OK, I’m going to get laid and have a seizure. And that’s really it.

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Elena: [00:09:08] That’s it. Like, it must be just like such a normal thing for him, but he’s just like, Yeah, yeah, I mean, as long as he’s not around like sharp corners or like the edge of a bed, I’m sure it’s like fine. But still, I was like, that’s quite risky every time that you have sex. But I mean, I got a great story out of it. So to me that was like, This is great.

Michael: [00:09:29] You got a great story and a great cup of tea, I guess.

Elena: [00:09:32] Yes, exactly.

Annie: [00:09:33] and you played Candy Crush.

Elena: [00:09:35] Yeah, exactly. One of my little addictions. So it was it was quite a fun thing. So I was able to go to the north side. I got to like, you know, see a lot of different parts of the world, like different parts of Cyprus-

Colin: [00:09:40] and different parts of him-

Elena: [00:09:41] and had different parts of him inside me. I was like, “you’re great.” Yeah, I think that was like my most crazy experience when I was dating someone and that happened, and then I actually asked him, like a couple of his friends also worked for this porn company, and I said, Oh, did anyone else have any like mental issues from watching so much porn? And he was like, oh, no, I don’t think so. But one of my friends got schizophrenia, so I don’t know if that’s related. I was like, OK, I’m just going to not date anyone who works in the porn industry anymore.

Michael: [00:10:23] That’s what I’m going to do. Yeah, I was going to say that should be like rule number one now. Hey, very nice to meet you. Do you watch porn eight hours a day? And get paid for it?

Elena: [00:10:30] Exactly. And do you do you have seizures?

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Michael: [00:10:38] And if you don’t, can I try to make you seizure?

Elena: [00:10:42] Exactly. I’ll be like, Yeah, and I know, and that’s the thing. It’s like now. Any blowjob that I gave, it’s like so underwhelming because I was going to

Michael: [00:10:47] Say, Kid, can’t you use this as a selling point here? The last guy I was with had a seizure. What’s wrong with you?

Elena: [00:10:52] Exactly. I was like, I’m at, Do you know what that guy did? I’m like, This is not OK. Like, I don’t care if I come. It’s like, you need to like, have a seizure. I want you to like, go, I want to see those eyes roll back into your head. That’s what I want to see.

Michael: [00:11:04] Otherwise, otherwise, I feel like you’re faking it.

Elena: [00:11:08] Yeah, so definitely the most memorable blowjob I’ve given in my life. That’s awesome.

Annie: [00:11:10] Was it worth it for you to like, take a flight and just fly there?

Elena: [00:11:12] Yeah, I do think so. I mean, it’s like my life where I’m kind of like, you know, obviously, you know, we still had a great time. But also like, I’m always kind of like, “well… get a story out of this. I can tell it on stage.” Like, that’s the sad thing about being a comedian and talking about dating stories is you’re like, you’re like, oh, maybe this guy will be normal and then fall in love and we’ll have babies and like, get married. And then if something bad happens, I’m like, you can capitalize on this stuff. But yeah, so it was fine.

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Colin: [00:11:40] It’s a win-win.

Elena: [00:11:45] But yeah, it was definitely worth it. Definitely a win-win, for sure.

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