You’re at a bar, met some nice ladies, took them back to your apartment. Sounds like the perfect night. What could go wrong?
Date If You Dare, a podcast by DOWN Dating App and Michael Waitze Media is here!
The Murderous First Date Sex
You’re at a bar, met some nice ladies, took them back to your apartment. Sounds like the perfect night. What could go wrong? For Michael, that night was definitely unforgettable.
Michael: Hi, my name is Michael Waitze, and my worst date, to the extent that it can be called a date, can only be described as potentially murderous.
Colin and Annie laughs.
Michael: You’re laughing, but it wasn’t. And so funny for the guy that almost got murdered, this was less of a date and more of a hookup. But in the end, it feels like only a semantic difference. To me at least. This happened on like a Friday or a Saturday night in Tokyo. And really, you had to be there. And to be fair, for the most part, most of those nights kind of blurred together. I can’t remember a Friday or Saturday night when I was in Tokyo that we didn’t go out at some level.
Michael: And what does it mean when they say they blurred together? It means that there were a bunch of places that we frequented, and depending on our mood, we kind of rotated through those places pretty regularly, actually. And even the guys that had steady girlfriends rarely started the night out with them. But you have to know if you’ve ever been to a bunker, you have to know that the place where you go out is really small, it’s really concentrated, and there was almost no way to stop yourself from running into everybody you knew every night you were out. It didn’t matter where you went, actually.
Michael: But this particular night was nonstandard, and not because of the way it began, but because of the way it ended. And thankfully, it ended with everybody safe. I think. A typical night for us would start at a bar called Motown, and it’s exactly what you think it played Motown music. You’ve probably been there. And it would almost always include a stop at Castillo for a bit of dancing and foosballs. There was a foosball table right next to the front of the right next to the front door and would most likely end at McDonald’s, which I believe at one point was the busiest McDonald’s in the world. And it was small, right? They just had sort of this counter that was outside. You walked up to it.
Michael: Oh, I almost forgot. We would always go to Geronimo’s. And Geronimo’s was like this shot bar, and it was packed, wall to wall, packed at all times. If you’ve ever been there, you know this. And if you banged the drum inside Geronimo’s, it didn’t matter how many people are in there, you had to buy shots for everybody so it could get really expensive.
Colin: Was the drum the only thing you were banging that night?
Michael: Why does that word always come up when we’re talking? I feel like it’s not inevitable.
Colin: It’s inevitable.
Michael: It’s inevitable in life. And most of these nights would start with about seven or eight of us always the kind of the same guys. And by the time the night we-
Colin: -all guys.
Michael: Always all guys. You have to remember, this all started in 1990, 1991, and when our firms were sending people out to Tokyo was mostly guys, for better or for worse. That’s just a fact, right?
Colin: So you start with a seven to eight guys sausage fest.
Michael: You’re roaming Tokyo, Rome, and Tokyo. Sometimes we split up into groups, but by the end of the night, we were always split up into what I would call smaller, more strategic groups.
Colin: Hunting tax.
Michael: Yeah. Or just like, some guys would go home, some guys would drink too much, some guys would run into their girlfriend, and they’d have to be like, okay, guys, you know what I mean? Honey, what are you doing out tonight? Oh, nothing. And then just walk away. You know these guys. You know these gals as well. Anyway, this night wasn’t really going anywhere.
Michael: I’m pretty sure it was in the wintertime. I remember being a little bit cold, and it was primed to end with McDonald’s. It was going to end with a cheeseburger with fries and a Coke and that was about it. There was going to be no banging, for sure.
Colin: I never imagined McDonald’s was the way to end the night in Tokyo, but I’m glad to learn it.
Michael: Oh, my God. That’s what we did every time. It was either that or Arby’s. But, I mean, Arby’s was just horrible. Arby’s was a place where people would go to go to sleep. We weren’t sleeping. Anyway, there were just two of us now, and it had to have been about 02:00 a.m.. And I told you there was just a counter. So you’d wait in line and the counter faced outside. We just ordered our meals, if you could call them that. They weren’t Happy meals yet. And we just turned back to the street, and right in front of us, you have to remember, this is really close to Roppongi Crossing and right in front of us, like a mirage. There’s these two kind of cute girls around our age, and I’ll never forget to look up.
Michael: That’s what it felt like. My buddy and I remember we looked at each other you’ve been there? And we made that face like, should we at least try? All we have are fries. Really? And that’s not what we’re here for. And then we kind of looked at each other like, yeah, I guess we should. Why not? And it was unspoken. We literally probably just, like, shrugged our shoulders at each other and kind of went like, why not?
Colin: It’s that telepathic bro talk.
Michael: You’ve been there.
Michael: Anyway, we agreed to go for it, and we just started chatting to these young ladies. And to be fair, their night was probably like our night was. They had definitely been drinking and hopping from bar to bar, and then it was time for them to go home as well. And they were just, like, looming around.
Colin: Oh, I thought you meant they started with seven to eight guys.
Michael: No, but they probably started with seven to eight girls. You have to remember in Tokyo back then, Gokon right? Was definitely a thing. Girls would go out with girls, meet a bunch of guys, and then see who they liked. Like, that was a normal event, right? Anyway-
Colin: Sounds fun.
Michael: Yeah. Those kinds of dates were actually interesting. We could talk about that on a separate cover. But these girls did not speak any English. A lot of the girls that went to Roppongi didn’t speak English, and my buddy didn’t speak any Japanese, right? Which meant that I had to do all the talking. This was normal. This always was up to me. And at the end of this conversation, we convinced him to get into a taxi with us and go back to my buddy’s apartment.
Colin: Wow. So you’re a smooth talker in Japanese.
Michael: (Michael says something in Japanese) Anyway, but the cool thing about this guy’s apartment was it wasn’t in a normal neighborhood, and it had an indoor kind of big, heated swimming pool, and that was the draw.
Michael: And it was really in the taxi where this date started. Once we were in the taxi, I think he sat in front, I sat in back with the two ladies again, because I could talk to them. And the whole conversation attacks that we spent convincing them to go swimming with us, we were like, we have a pool. We can go swimming. And they were like, we don’t have any bathing suits. They were just like, neither do we. You know what I mean? It was normal. And they’re like, no, we don’t have any bathing suits. And we were like, yeah, we don’t either.
Colin: We don’t see the problem here.
Michael: Yeah, I don’t see the problem here at all. So they agreed to go swimming without the suits. And then this is where the real fun started. I’ll never forget this. And the pool was big, right? So my buddy was swimming with his date, and I was swimming with my date, and I think I was standing on the side getting ready to dive in, and she was still in the pool. My buddy looks over at me and he goes, can you put that thing away?
Colin & Annie laughs.
Colin: He got a bit more than he wanted, than he wanted from the festival.
Michael: Anyway, that was only the second best quote from the night, and that kind of ended our swimming adventure. We were kind of done. We looked at each other, we were like, hey, should we all go upstairs and get some sleep? And there must have been towels down there, because we weren’t going to get dressed wet, and we definitely weren’t going to go up in the elevator in the state that we were in anyway. And I think he was on, like, the 20th or the 28th floor.
Michael: So we went upstairs and we kind of split into two groups. I think he had two or three bedrooms in his apartment, right? We were expats, so we weren’t paying for it. And he lived in a really nice place. And when the night was over-
Annie: -someone died?
Michael: No, but close enough. Somebody might have. When the night was over. Right. Like, I heard the door closed, the front door closed to his apartment, and I thought, Okay, the girls are gone, because I know that my date had already left my room.
Colin: It’s wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. Wow.
Michael: It was more than that, right? But again, this all started at two. We got back at three. This could have been like seven or 08:00 in the morning. And I don’t think there was much sleeping. I remember I didn’t sleep that much, and I can’t imagine that my buddy did either. And when we finally met in the kitchen, I said to him, how was the rest of your night? He made that face again, like, okay. And like this very strange tone of voice. And he said, when all was said and done, he asked his date what she did for a living. And she said, I’m a nurse. Which is normally, like, the dream answer, because nurses are supposed to be caregiving, they’re supposed to be gentle, they’re supposed to be attentive. But I could tell by the look on his face that this was not going to end well. So he repeated it for me. He said, she told me, I’m a nurse. I love the sight of blood.
Michael: And then he continued and said, she said to me, and we’re still in bed. He said, yes. If I could kill people and get away with it, I would do it all the time.
Colin: No way.
Michael: Dead serious. He asked her to leave immediately. And that is why that date was potentially murderous.
Colin: Wow. That’ll kill the vibe.
Michael: Yeah. The potential for death, definitely.
Annie: So, Michael, always remember this. Never trust cute girls so they could kill you.
Colin: Dangerous advice.